What Do YOU Do When LIFE Happens?
It was December 2017 and I was away on holiday in Germany for Christmas visiting my Dad. I noticed a missed call from my Foster Brother and called him back to say ‘Merry Christmas’ and catch up. At the start of the conversation, he asked ‘where I was’ and I explained, however, I could sense that something wasn’t right and asked “Is everything ok, you don’t sound like yourself?” My Foster Brother hesitantly replied, “No, but I want you to enjoy your time away and call me as soon as you get back”. I didn’t push for any further information, even though I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. We continued to talk and then said goodbye.
On arriving back in the UK and safely at home, I dropped my suitcase in the hallway and immediately called my Foster Brother, to be told the news that our Cousin was seriously ill and the diagnosis was not good. Cancer had returned and rapidly spread throughout his entire body and bones.
This news hit me for six!
I composed myself and decided to call my Cousin. As the phone rang, I wasn’t sure of what to say. He answered. At first his voice sounded weak, but as we spoke his voice became stronger as we laughed, joked and reminisced. I made plans to visit him, but couldn’t make the trip to Bristol because I fell ill with the flu. A week later, I received the call to let me know he had passed away.
LIFE happened!!!
As we planned his Funeral, I reflected on his life. We lived in the same house and grew up together from the age of both being in our early teens. He was a joker and often played pranks on me. When he left home, got married and became a Father, he worked hard, he had a good circle of friends, made the time to travel with his family always going away on cruises. I remember getting phone calls from him announcing that he was on a cruise or about to leave to go on cruise. He enjoyed his life to the max and in my opinion, lived his best life and to the fullest.
Now death is a part of the cycle of life and I have lost people close to me, but the passing of my Cousin, is a loss that has impacted me the most. He gave so much and had so much to give and was 47 years old.
I grieved this loss. There were days that I felt like curling up in my bed and on my sofa, not speaking to anyone, and this I did. There were days where I had a mix of emotions finding myself bursting into tears throughout the day. There were days I didn’t want to answer my phone, and I didn’t. There were days that I had to tap into my God given strength to complete daily tasks and this I did but felt unconnected to what I was doing, just going through the motions and this journey, often left me in an emotional tired heap at the end of each day.
LIFE happened!!!
We said our final goodbye and, in that moment, I knew I had to re-evaluate my life.
You see, I saw the message in my Cousins story; work hard but make the time to do the things that you enjoy, spend time with those you love and make a difference. This was confirmed in the tributes shared at his funeral.
Now whilst I do work hard, I knew there was more that I needed to do, not adding to my list of responsibilities, but rather working ‘smarter’ to maximise on things I already do, to have greater impact and greater results. This way of thinking was echoed to me during lunch with one of my Mentors.
Those that know me well, can testify to the truth that I intentionally do my best to enjoy my life, but I noticed that I had gotten so bogged down with working towards ‘achieving’ my goals, that I’d become too tired to enjoy the journey and enjoy my life.
For me, spending time with those I love, not only speaks of spending time with family but also speaks of spending time with those friends who are ‘like’ family to me (those that know my story will understand this), and spending time with this group of family and friends to me means being in the company of those where I can totally relax, be myself, have belly laughs, cry together, figure out life together, sit in silence but yet understand each other and put the world to rights together; but on reflection I noticed that this had not happened in a while and that I was being drawn into fixing people’s problems at the expense of my time and energy.
When I think of ‘making a difference’, this speaks to me of making a difference through the things I enjoy, be that through the work I do or through life in general; and this difference is having a part to play in inspiring, motivating and empowering others to make changes in their lives, along with seeing a difference in my life and business.
I understood that I am my greatest and most valued commodity, and sought to take stock of how I had been looking after myself emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally, to make sure I would strategically work towards becoming sound, fit and healthy to effectively fulfill my purpose.
And so based on this reflective time in my life, at the beginning of 2018, I began my journey towards making these changes, one step at a time one day at a time.
The Urban Dictionary states that the phrase when ‘LIFE HAPPENS’, speaks of a ‘major life change’ that has happened in our lives, and the phrase is used as an expression to lessen the blow, when talking about what has happened.
The major life change can include, but is not exclusive to, the loss of a loved one, a serious illness, redundancy, losing one’s home, a financial crisis, a divorce and anything else you can attribute to this type of ‘major life change’.
The major life change can also be expected or unexpected.
So what do YOU do when LIFE happens?
Do you avoid it, switch off from what is happening or do you face it and find a way to see your way through? If you avoid it, you will become an emotionally exhausted walking ticking time-bomb, that will explode at the sight or sound of someone else’s major life change that is similar to the one you are trying to avoid. But if you choose to face it and see your way through, here are a few steps that will help you.
Accept it
After the initial shock, it may take some time for you to accept that this is your reality. You may start saying “Why me?”, “This isn’t fair” or “This is too much for me”. But after all is said, in order to begin to move forward, you must accept that this is your reality.
Acknowledge how you feel
Be unapologetically open about how you feel and release those feelings in a positive and safe way, without putting yourself or others at risk or in any danger. For example, if you feel angry, find a positive way to release the anger.
Look for the message or the lesson to be learnt in what has taken place
Life has many lessons, and some of them are learnt through the ‘painful’ times in our lives as well as in the ‘joyful’ times, but the key is to find the lesson and use it to help make the positive changes in your life to make it better.
Re-evaluate your Life
From the lessons identified, make the connection to the points that resonate with you, and take an honest look into your life to see what you need to do differently to get the best out of your life.
Surround yourself with positive supportive people
At this stage of your life, you will need to know who is ‘able’ to be there for you, because, for whatever reason, not everyone you know will be able to handle what you are going through. I encourage you, to not be surprised or feel too disappointed if you don’t hear from those you expected to hear from. On the other hand, you will find that certain people will gravitate towards you and voluntarily offer their support in ways that will leave you feeling happily overwhelmed and thankful. Also, be mindful that there will be people who may only be there to support you through this part of your journey. Remember it is said that people are in your life for a Reason, Season or Lifetime. Don’t isolate yourself.
Don’t get stuck! Move forward at your own pace, life is not a race
As you face this ‘Life Happening’, understand there is no ‘get out’ clause; and because it HAS happened, you MUST go through it but, at your own pace.
Let Me Know How You Get On
Now I’ve experienced ‘Life Happenings’ in my life for as far back as I can remember and I encourage you to see that if I can make it through, then so can you.
Taking these steps won't be easy, but if you follow this process, trust me, you make it through this stage of your life and life will get better!
In my blogs, I will continue to do my best to share the ‘how's’ and ‘why's’ of my journey and all I ask is that you let me know how each blog has helped you in the Comments Box below and feel free to SUBSCRIBE to my Mailing List to receive my Inspiring Guides and Updates.
All of God's Best For You and REMEMBER "You have Great Potential, a God Given Purpose and YOU WILL Passionately achieve it!!"
About Me:
My name is Judith AM Denton CEO | SOCIAL ENTREPRENEUR | SPEAKER | SINGER | SONGWRITER who has discovered that my natural skills and abilities have led me to realise my Potential, understand my Purpose 'of helping to make a difference in the lives of those I can relate to' and Passionately achieve it.
Through my experience of being a troubled Foster Child, to working in the Corporate World to now being a founding CEO and Social Entrepreneur, I can help YOU discover and realise your full Potential, understand your Purpose and Passionately achieve it and live in the freedom of being YOU and at YOUR Best, in your Life, Career or Business!
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